And there are women who let themselves get ugly (From the Philosophy series for those who don't care about philosophy)

Marcia de Vasconcellos Camargo

Janeiro 2024 I wonder: why is there such a recurring scene among women in the context of some relationships - an aura of sadness, an erase, the careless aspect, overweight, a sad expression of no smile, a smileless forever.

What in the lives of these women impregnates them with a sad figure?

Women see each other, most of them, through the eyes of the man. This look frames and paints the portrait that the woman recognizes as her portrait.

We have learned in such a way to value man's gaze on us that he assumes the power to define ourselves.

The training to please men, to care for and emotionally sustain relationships is a fundamental part of the foundation of gender relations. 

Mirroring herself in the eyes of the other, expecting confirmation and recognition from the other, delegates to the other the ability to shape us - the constant and exacerbated criticism, the behave, you are no longer fifteen years old, the " shut up”", the “"will look at you in the mirror”"... negligence and indelicacity, the  "is not yes”", the “"you do not need it”,  to determine limits, the Sex without eroticism, bad sex, or none, nullifying the expression of your libido, become more than negative interactions. This constantly repressive and limiting look becomes the way in which we begin to see ourselves, introjecting in the emotional and psychic sphere this image from the outside, an image that becomes how we see ourselves.

This power of the male normative look extends and enters society, often generates social norms, said and interdicted reproduced by women themselves.

Do not let yourself be enrowned by the look of the other, do not let yourself be shaped by the social norms that build walls between themselves and your desires, your abilities, your emotions.

The look that disfigures and enfores is not yours, it is of the other, it is part of the interests and experiences of the other. Have the courage to question, resist, conflict and, when necessary, break with the look that makes you ugly.

There are looks that beautify. Look for the look that beautifies you. Rescue your own look on yourself, be an accomplice when you have to be an accomplice, set limits when you should.

Take back the power to self-define, look at yourself from the inside out, get to know yourself, beautify yourself!