How to Help Your Daughter Get to Know Herself and Protect Herself: Challenges and Solutions for Parents from All Backgrounds

Regardless of socioeconomic context, all families can benefit from strategies that promote self-awareness and emotional protection for their daughters.

Data shows that awareness of self-knowledge and socioemotional skills can have a significant impact on reducing bullying and violence among young people.

A study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found a decrease in physical bullying rates in schools and general bullying from 2011 to 2021. In areas with prevention and awareness programs, there was a reduction in sexual violence and bullying.

The United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), in a comprehensive survey with teaching proposals for girls, published in June 2023 (www.unicef.org/lac/en), reports that Latin America and the Caribbean have a population of over 51 million girls between the ages of 10 and 19.

The vulnerability and risk of exposure to dangers such as early pregnancy, exploitation of their image on social media, among many others to which girls are exposed, motivate the creation of various projects organized by UNICEF in partnership with schools.

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Brazil, like other countries, already has laws that protect girls' rights. However, the reality is that these rights are not fully exercised.

Families should not expect the state and schools to be completely responsible for teaching socioemotional skills. Therefore, it is up to the family to also assume their role as emotional educators, providing support and emotional resources for girls to empower themselves.

Teaching girls about self-awareness and socioemotional skills as early as possible gives them powerful tools against various forms of violence, whether physical and/or psychological. The younger they are, the more control parents have over the external influences on their daughters.

Adolescence is an ideal time to begin teaching self-awareness, with the most favorable age generally being between 12 and 18 years. At this stage, young people are developing their identity and beginning to question and explore who they are.

They already reflect on themselves and their emotions, making this an ideal time to learn about self-awareness. However, each adolescent is unique, and some may be more receptive or ready for this learning at different ages within this range.

Yes, there are differences in the approach of parents of girls from different socioeconomic backgrounds.

Parents from different social classes may have distinct concerns, priorities, and resources when it comes to self-awareness and protecting their daughters.

However, regardless of the family context, within a normal range, all can offer, with attention, patience, and support, ways for their daughters to learn about self-awareness, such as:

• Open Communication: Create a welcoming environment at home where girls feel comfortable expressing their emotions and concerns.

• Emotional Education: Teach emotional intelligence skills and conflict resolution.

• Positive Examples: Parents who set examples themselves of self-awareness and self-compassion, who inspire, have authority without being authoritarian, and thus, their children tend to be less defensive, rebellious, or demotivated.

Self-awareness is the foundation of socioemotional skills. It involves the ability to recognize and understand one's own emotions, thoughts, and values.

This self-awareness allows people to identify how their emotions influence their behavior and relationships with others.

According to the United States Organization for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL), self-awareness is one of the essential competencies of socioemotional learning. Once a person becomes aware of their emotions, they can use this information to manage their behaviors in a way that produces results.

This includes emotional regulation, impulse control, and the ability to cope with stress. It increases the ability to remain calm and focused, especially in challenging situations.

Another benefit of self-awareness is the development of the ability to understand and consider others. These are all learned behaviors that develop emotional intelligence.

Skills such as communication, conflict resolution, cooperation, and resilience, the ability to endure uncomfortable situations, are learned. People who understand their own needs and limits are better able to express them clearly, listen to others, and respect their boundaries.

Girls who learn self-awareness tend to have more confidence, are better at setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, and are capable of seeking help when needed. In addition to contributing to mental and emotional health, it reduces the onset of issues such as anxiety and depression. Here are some practical measures that can help parents in this challenging journey:

• Acceptance and validation of emotions: Telling a girl that what she is feeling is “nonsense” or “exaggerated” is received by her as a disregard for her feelings. The goal is to help her move beyond the emotion and offer options for her to reflect and manage the situation that triggered the emotion. For fear, teach her to breathe deeply and think of something positive and joyful. For sadness, normalize the tears that bring relief, offer distraction, and respect her time for recovery. For anger, help her with questions so she can reflect and understand where the emotion is coming from and how to reduce exposure to situations that provoke anger. Anger is natural; what is harmful is its violent expression.
  

• Attention when praising: Researcher Carol Dweck talks about the dangers of praise and labels, whether positive or negative. These carry weight, almost like a sentence: "You are beautiful, elegant, intelligent," etc., or "Perfect! Wonderful!" Encouraging effort gives the praised person the opportunity not to devalue themselves when they fail, especially young people and children. The challenge is to replace our automatic, evaluative language with descriptive language to build more attentive and loving communication. Describe the action or attitude of the other person that you want to praise.
  

• Support network: Share information with other families in similar situations.
  

• Family meetings: This frequent practice (bi-weekly, weekly, monthly, etc.) and the duration to be defined by each family is highly encouraged to establish friendly communication between members. They can bring their reflections, doubts, and questions to these special moments. It is not meant to be a tribunal of accusation. It is also recommended to create a list of topics to be addressed a few days in advance. To be effective, the meetings should not be long. The duration can be increased after evaluating the results of previous meetings.
  

• Encourage girls to dance, sing, draw, and play sports: Encouraging these practices helps girls build confidence in themselves, their body image, and self-esteem.
  

• Avoid judgments that bring guilt and shame: Such attitudes can leave a lasting mark on a girl’s life.
  

• Encourage critical thinking: Ask questions that help the girl reflect on her behaviors, preferences, and beliefs, so that the impulsiveness of youth gradually gives way to self-reflection and self-care.